This post has been brewing since last year…
I just have not taken the time to write out my thoughts. My time was being consumed with other projects, the holidays and travel.
Oh but boy do I have time today!
By the way, Happy Valentine’s Day Good People! I love this day because I love love. This day often gets a bad wrap because so many people spend ridiculous amounts of money on gifts in an effort to prove to the one that they love that they do indeed love them.
Love should be celebrated. Every day. And if whoever wants to create a day to highlight love then yes, let us celebrate! I just do not believe you need to spend thousands of dollars on flowers and roses on February 14 when you can get them half priced on February 15.
Anywho, that is not why I am here. Well the day of love does tie into the whole premise for this post so let me begin.
“I’m quite single and occasionally I mingle…” Thank you Cee-Lo Green for that dope line.
Yes, I am single. Now normally I do not publicize that aspect of my personal life but it is necessary for how this is about to go down.
Men, leave me alone!
Ha! Nah, but for real. Leave me alone! Shall I proceed? Yes, indeed. Shout out to Lil’ Kim & Lil’ Cease for that one.
Men, this is what I am going to need you all to stop doing. Stop trying to tell me how to live my life. Stop trying to “fix” me. Stop trying to change me.
I am amazing just the way I am. Bruno said so.
Now, let me back up.
I have a few dudes in my life who I cherish wholeheartedly. They are my guys who know me very well. They have seen the very sweet side of me, the sarcastic side, the consoling side, the lovable side, the fun side, the persistent side, the frustrated side, the optimistic side, the hopeful side, the wishful side, the discouraged side, the adventurous side and a few other sides.
They are the ones who I seek advice from, call up when dudes are ‘out of pocket’, vent to when potential boos get slid over to the moving on pile and so on.
They are the ones who can check me when I am wrong, convince me to give someone a chance, call out my double standards and give me a boost when I need it.
But the rest of you all are going to have to simmer down pronto because I am beyond fed up.
This is the ridiculousness that I heard last year –
“Oh, you want too much out of a man.”
“You need to relax those expectations.”
“You are going to have to go out more if you want to meet someone.”
Yada yada yada. Blah blah blah.
Ya’ll know I am bout to go in when I say listen. Haha.
I am perfectly ok with being single.
Yes, I want to get married.
However, I am not relaxing my standards just because you cannot live up to them.
At 36 years young, I know who I am. I am confident in who God created me to be. Every day I am evolving but the core of me stays the same. My core is the essence of me. And I know the type of man that will have to come along if he has a desire to combine our journeys.
I have too much to offer to the right one.
And I have never been one to settle.
It is a new year but I am sticking with that old phrase.
To all my single ladies: Own who you are. Do not change to try and make yourself more appealing. Be authentically you always. The one man that is suppose to appreciate you down to your core will be grateful that you did not conform to the worlds philosophy.
To the men(not just single men cause I have had married men try to tell me how I need to change): You have no idea what is like to be a woman. Every day we are told through numerous channels we are less than you, we cannot do what you do and that we need to dumb ourselves down in order for you to be lifted up. Instead of always telling us what we need to change, embrace the complexities of us. We are the ones who smile through the pain. We are the backbones in most families. We are the ones who make a dollar out of 15 cents. Yepper, a Tupac reference. We are the unsung heroes. We are the faces behind the glass. We are the bearers of life.
Those things should be celebrated. Not condemned.
In 2018, it is not a crime for a woman to be single. Do not treat it as such. If anything, a woman who chooses not to settle should be the type of woman you single men should be seeking.
There is a reason she is single.
And I can almost guarantee it ain’t cause nobody wants her.